The Vampire Baby and the Five Stages of Grief

Please ignore any and all typos. I am writing this in bed on my iDevice. So after my last blog post about how well things were going was apparently a bad idea and was in fact tempting fate. Because Charlotte outdid herself last night. She woke up at 7:30 after I put her to bed at 7:00 and she pretty much screamed unhappily until about 6:30 this morning. It is now noon thirty. She is still asleep after Daddy made mama a very sustaining breakfast.

I really wish I knew what caused these evening disturbances. Last night she was so loud she actually woke up her brother, who usually sleeps so deeply bombs could go off and he would sleep through.

It’s kinda funny how one goes through the stages of grief when going though traumatic instances such as this. First denial,”No! She’s not going to do this forever. Surely she will settle down after the next feeding/ diaper change/ burping.” You hope each time you complete one of these tasks that it will be the magical act of care that will return your baby back to the happy, sleepy baby you know and love, but it doesn’t happen.

Next comes intense concern. Surely something must be wrong for your baby to cry for so long for no visible reason. One time we even took her to the emergency room. That was the second night in a row she pulled one of these crying fits. She of course fell deeply asleep once we arrived and the very nice emergency room doctor diagnosed her with, wait for it,

diaper rash. Sure she screams all night long because she has diaper rash. *eye roll.*

Despair and depression is a long period of grief, the most painful and protracted stage for the griever (during which the person gradually comes to terms with the reality of the loss of an entire night’s sleep. “I am going to be a terrible mother  tomorrow. Alton is going to watch 8 hours of TV and  he’s never going to get into a good college. Plus, I am never going to sleep or get over this cold EVER. Then there is the intense feeling of helplessness that you can’t figure out how to help your baby. That part full on sucks.

Then finally around five in the morning or so one reaches acceptance. We accept that this “is a season…” And that in a few short weeks we will look back on this time and laugh, and even someday consider having another baby.

Yeah I don’t know about you, but I am no where ready to laugh about this yet.  I have spent a lot of time in prayer over this. Prayer for her, prayer for Alton, and prayer that I don’t commit a felony. Lol. But seriously, it is hard to have grace at three AM when you haven’t slept for what feels like days. I don’t like who I become when this situation happens so please pray for grace and wisdom for me.